Spongebob Squarepants

Look at this. It's nice. It made me smile when I saw it. I hope it makes you smile too.

My Phone

This is my phone.
Sometimes I don't get a lot of messages in it, and this makes me sad.
Sometimes I have too many messages in it and I have to delete some messages, this also makes me sad.
I like to keep the messages that make me happy, but sometimes I have to delete them as well. This can be very sad indeed.
Sometimes I delete all the messages in my phone because I want to start afresh.

Sometimes this can be cathartic.

But sometimes it is also sad.

Painting

Hello again. This is my favourite painting in the world. I found it in an art gallery in Edinburgh last year. It is by John Bellany.

I am not sure what this picture is trying to say, but that man does NOT look happy about having that fish on his head. Would you be happy if you had a fish on YOUR head? Probably not. Think about it. It would smell for one thing.

I wonder if the fish is dead or alive in this picture?
Either way it would smell.

Anyway, if you would like to find out more about the artist, you should visit his website:
http://www.bellany.com/, because I feel a little sneaky putting one of his paintings up if I don't link him.

So there we go. Respect for artists is important, because, one day, an artist might paint you, and if you do not show them any respect, they will make you look fat in the painting.

Trust me, I know.

The Wheels on the Bus go Round and Round

I'm not sure how you feel but I feel really quite disturbed by the fact that the small cartoon bus on this poster has some kind of weird hand extension. It looks like it has been given the ability to sexually harass its passengers. Not cool man, not cool.

Kinder Egg #2

BEST Kinder Egg Toy EVER.

It's a ghost in a snorkel riding a turtle....in case you couldn't tell. Yeah.

Kinder Egg #1

The worst Kinder Egg Toy EVER.

What is it? I don't know. Don't ask me. I am as disappointed and bemused as you are. I think it was meant to fly. But it didn't. It crash landed though, that's for sure.

Actually contemplating writing a letter of complaint to the manufacturer*








*Not really - I have a life.

My Cat

My cat Barney is a charming and ridiculous creature who enjoys resting in the company of a small christmas tree in a flower pot.

What a lad.

Insect in the Bath

Today I found a strange and interesting insect in my bath. It was such an elusive and mystical creature that, when I tried to take a photo of it, it would only come out on film as an indistinguishable blur. For this reason, I have drawn an artist's impression of this extraordinary beast as I imagine it might look if viewed underneath a microscope. I have also used the incredible powers of my imagination, as well as some detailed research concerning insect communication and psychology, to determine what this critter might say, had it the ability.

Hence the speech bubble.

I must say I felt not unlike David Attenborough when compiling the pictures, research and text needed for this entry. Would you like to feel not unlike David Attenborough too? Perhaps you should go and look in YOUR bath and see what YOU can find!

Happy hunting!

Toaster

This may possibly be THE worst toaster in the world. It takes FUCKING AGES to toast.

And I am not a patient woman.

Lovers Walk

Today I walked down 'Lovers Walk'.

Unfortunately, there were no lovers to be found.

Postbox

I didn't know there was a postbox on Meridian Road. I will bear this in mind for future letter-posting purposes.

Furby

Today has been a very difficult and emotional day.
But it's ok because, if I want to, I can play with my Furby.

Yes that's right, at twenty years old, I still have a Furby.

This is a picture of my Furby.

Isn't he nice?

If anyone wants to name him, they should get in contact with me, because I am ALL out of ideas.

Quiche

I'm not really sure how I feel about Quiche.

Tiny Perfume in My Hand

Look at this. What a strange photo. Can you guess what it is yet?

Well I'll tell you.

It's Sarah Jessica Parker's new perfume. It's called (drum roll please) NYC....didn't see that coming did you?

My Mum bought it for me as a thank you gift because I always empty the dishwasher.

So, there we go. Give, and you shall receive.

Films

Today I bought 41squid worth of films.

As previously stated, I use a shit camera to take all of my photos, because it's more authentic and artistic that way, clearly. Unfortunately, what is sacrificed for art, is visibility.

So, if you can't see, the films are:

The John Hughes Collection, featuring:
Pretty in Pink
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Some Kind of Wonderful

N.B You would have thought that The John Hughes Collection would've included The Breakfast Club, but it didn't, so I also bought...

The Breakfast Club

Then I bought some films that WEREN'T MADE BY JOHN HUGHES. Shock horror, I know. These films were:

All About My mother
American Psycho
Dogma
The Lives of Others
Withnail and I

You will notice I recited those last ones in alphabetical order. It is my attention to detail that makes this blog so riveting, I'm sure.

To quote Bartleby in Dogma:

'You can't be anal retentive if you don't have an anus.'

Something to think about, I guess.

Moon

I feel I have been abusing this blog slightly by talking about myself too much.
So here is an entry that has nothing to do with me.

It is the moon.

Windsor

This weekend I went to visit my good friend Adam in Windsor. We had a very manly weekend. Including activities such as shooting glass bottles off a BBQ, shooting at pigeons and eating steak.

Here is some of the steak.

Don't worry, I ate it afterwards.

p.s, many apologies to any vegetarian readers, but you will be glad to know, no steak was wasted. Some pigeons were killed though. Sorry.

Weeds

So I went into my friend's garden the other day and these huge fuck off weeds had grown everywhere all over the fucking lawn. You can't really tell from this photo but they're scary as fuck man; about 8ft tall and stalks as thick as tree trunks.

If there's like a real-life day of the triffids, don't say I didn't warn you.

Guitar

So basically, I like to play my guitar. I have to be careful with this guitar because my Grandad made it. This is a pretty weird picture of it. It looks like I was trying to be arty, but it's pretty much more because I couldn't be bothered to move from where I was sitting.

In other news. What do I like to play on my guitar? Coldplay and Elton John mostly. Cheeky little bit of Rod Stewart, Fleetwood Mac, Linkin Park. These don't necessarily represent my taste in music, but they all have songs that I particularly like to sing. I love to sing. But right now I'm ill, so my singing sounds pretty shit.

It sounds pretty shit when I'm not ill too.

So there we go.

Medicine

Today I was extremely ill, so I poured some of this stuff down my throat.
It's for chesty coughs.

It's pretty grim, and it doesn't really help your throat...

I wouldn't recommend it.

Fence

Today I tried to cut through the hospital. Unfortunately they had put up a new fence and signs, so I couldn't.

I had to walk all the way around.

When I had walked all the way around I noticed a gap in the fence where I could have gotten out if I'd cut through.

So that was annoying.

Bedtime

Today I am really tired. To make matters worse I have drunk half a bottle of wine.
This is what I look like when I am tired.

Shocking.

Clock

This is a clock. It lives in our bathroom. It was already here when we moved into the house and the batteries were already dead. We never changed them.
It is always 3.25 in our bathroom.
We are moving out soon, I wonder if the new tenants will change the batteries?
Or perhaps it will always be 3.25 for them too.

Something to think about, I guess.